5 Men You'll Meet at a Bar

Single girls, listen up. There are archetypes. Archetypes in literature (think the fairy-princess Cinderella story); archetypes in country music (dog, truck, Coors); and archetypes in film (girl meets bad boy, ignores nice boy - regret ensues.) There are also archetypical bar men. While I don't miss the dating scene, many of you are in it. Let me just say, I technically met my current husband in a bar - after being set up. He is not here, on this list. MOST decent boyfriends are not on this list, although there are exceptions! While sitting and discussing men with a single friend at a ballgame last night, the inspiration to write this blog emerged like a wisp of...something. If you are navigating the landscape of the Saturday night bar-scene, you will begin to see a pattern emerge.

1. The Douche Bag - DB for short.
DB is convinced that he is the hottest thing in Abercrombie and/or Hollister. He works out 6 days a week, with the 7th reserved for hangover recovery and tanning. He may be identified by his knowing smirk, and the  lift of his cleft chin when you walk in the door. Other monikers include: player, manwhore, ladies' man, and "triflin' good-for-nothin type of brother." Thank you Destiny's Child. You may be deemed "lucky" enough to be acknowledged by the DB if you look desperate and hot. DBs travel in packs - sometimes pairs, and they are always the loudest group at the bar. A good way to fend off the advances of the DB are to claim that your STD panels checked out THIS TIME, and you're ready to go! Since they have a horde gallivanting across their bedsheets, DBs are terrified of STDs. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're gonna change him. This guy has an attention span the length of his pinky finger.

2. Newly Divorced Guy
This guy can be recognized by his over-eager smile, his wardrobe that would've looked hot 15 years ago (when he last dated), and his brave attempts at clever conversation which fail - hard.
Some friends and I encountered NDG just a couple weeks ago. We had gone to see THAT movie, featuring a certain, ahem, dance revue.  We decided to pop into the pub for a beer afterward. NDG approached us, stealthily, from the side. Now, this takes moxie. Approaching a group of women is difficult - good for you dude. Then, it all quickly goes pear-shaped for him. "I just got divorced!" he says cheerily. Oh geez. Red-flag number one. Then he asks us (as there are 4 of us) - "Is this like Sex and the City?!" His perky comparison DOES give us a giggle. All women are SATC fans, pretty much. He takes this as a cue to RUN WITH IT, and starts trying to figure out "which" character we are. I make it easy for him, and say - "The bitchy one." We leave shortly after. I think he's still confused as to why.

3. The Wallflower
Ok, I was once in this category myself, so I have a tender place in my chest for the socially-awkward guy at a bar. Sometimes, young hipster boys fall into this category. It may appear to be sullenness or snobbery, but mostly it is just the inability to maintain eye-contact with someone of the female persuasion. Perhaps with some coaxing, WF COULD become good boyfriend material. He probably is there with a wing-man, against his will.  He may be dressed in an ironic t-shirt, or somewhat overdressed for the occasion - like an undertaker. If you are at a karaoke bar, he will sing something sweetly sentimental. Sounds pretty good, right? Bad news - this guy has potential stalker written all over him. He will send you poems by John Donne and flowers - EVERY DAY. Tread lightly here.

4. Married Guy
Ugh. They are so good at hiding it. They really are. I mean, what's the catch? This guy is good-looking, smart, likes kids, AND you find all of this out in the length of time you can finish your caramel appletini. If he's dumb, he tans, and you can see the marks of his wedding band (could also be a sign of NDG, but without the awkward convo starter). Most of them aren't that dumb. This is the biggest pitfall out there for a single girl. They have perfected the puppy-dog look, and your conversation sounds like something out of a blockbuster chick flick. That is, until his wife walks into your work with eyes like daggers and you figure out that you aren't a girlfriend, you're a mistress. If you're a mistress, you don't meet his friends, you don't go to public places, and he has two cell phones. If the dude wears pleated pants, be suspicious. Watch this guy - and always trust your gut. Being a home-wrecker isn't as sexy as it sounds - you're not Angelina Jolie, and there are lots of people who could be hurt here. As soon as you find out, ditch him like that pair of stilettos that look good, but kill your feet. Not worth it. Take it from one who knows, all too well.

5. The Bartender
Danger! The script for a successful bartender is:
a. Ability to mix a killer drink.
b.Ability to talk to anyone.
d. Flirting = tips. They are pros. Plus, they are in control of something you want: booze. It's not the first time they've seen a well-formed rack, honey. This guy is the "it" guy at the bar. Watch out! He may be cute, but he is well aware of that fact - in a self-effacing way which women find irresistible. 

That's the quick and dirty list of the typical breeds you will find at your local watering hole. While you may get lucky and find a nice, normal guy NOT listed in the DSM IV criteria at an establishment that serves Delirium Tremens, it's pretty rare. Please drink, and date, responsibly.

Wedded Bliss...and All That Jazz

Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles. - Desbordes-Valmord
"Two hearts in love need no words."

Our wedding day, November 20th, 2011 was a combination of many emotions, as are most weddings. We celebrated in New Orleans, with a smattering of our closest friends and immediate family. New Orleans is a place close to my heart; it's where Ryan and I got engaged last year, where we took our first trip as a couple, and a place I have visited every year since 2005. I truly believe it is my spiritual "home", the place on earth that seems to resonate with everything that I love and appreciate about life: good food, amazing music, and a rich cultural background flush with indomitable spirit.  When Ryan proposed, we decided immediately that we would marry there the following year.

Like any bride, I found myself suddenly immersed in the planning of my wedding. While we wanted a small, intimate ceremony, I still needed a dress, attendants, and all of the accoutrements that a wedding needs. I didn't get that the first time around, so I wanted it this time. Especially since I'm never doing it again!

My dress was found at a Black Friday sample sale. I had gone into a bridal store, merely to try on dresses, and came out two hours later with my dream dress! I knew that I wanted a vintage-style dress, and as vintage wedding gowns are hard to come by, and even harder to alter, I knew I would probably need to settle with an inspired piece. Ryan's sister, who went with me, said that she knew the moment I put on the dress that it was perfect for me.  The dress was a dream; golden-champagne satin and rhinestones- something that Jean Harlow or Rita Hayworth would have worn.  Even better, it was 80% off! That gave me plenty of money to buy my bridesmaids' dresses. Since I was asking them to travel all the way to NOLA for me(Australia was the farthest!), the least I could do was buy their dresses.

The next year was spent making invitations and all of the paper-crafts to compliment them. I had A LOT of fun doing these! I promise, I will post a tutorial on how I made them, so that other brides can use them as a template. You can easily substitute papers of your choice to personalize them. I received many compliments, and they were so easy, and saved us tons of money. I also made the votive candle covers, and welcome boxes for our guests that stayed in the same hotel as us during the wedding.

My sister, with the help of my MIL, did the flowers - which we placed in antique milk-glass and hobnail containers. I wanted a wild-flower and English country look to the bouquets - nothing too precious or perfect. The flowers we chose were dusty miller, allium, chrysanthemums, Queen Anne's lace and Bells of Ireland.  My own bouquet was a brooch bouquet with vintage heirloom jewelry from mine and Ryan's family. It's a gorgeous keepsake that I will always have - and it sparkled so beautifully the day of the wedding.

We chose the Benachi House and Gardens for our wedding and reception location. It is located in the Esplanade Ridge area of NOLA - a beautiful divided street cutting through the middle of New Orleans. Whereas the mansions in the Garden District were built by wealthy white plantation owners, the Esplanade area was developed by free people of color and Creole gentry.  The area is very diverse and eclectic, and is breathtakingly beautiful with gigantic live oaks spanning the neutral ground.

The day of the wedding was gorgeous, sunny and HUMID. The weather was unseasonably warm, even for New Orleans, with temperatures rising to the low 80s by the afternoon. I started prepping for the wedding at 8AM, after a nice breakfast at the Degas House, home to the famous French painter's family. We spent our wedding night here as well, and I would highly recommend a stay there. My daughter and I started  putting together the plastic wine glasses and organizing the decor in piles so that it would be easy to locate once things got busy. (It didn't stay this way, but, hey - that's a wedding for ya!) I put the Marco Negri in the fridge to chill, and made some lemonade for the reception as well. My sister, mom and MIL arrived at 11:30 and started prepping the flowers. We started up the music and enjoyed the next few hours of hard work and scurrying around like mad-women.

We started taking photos around 2PM, so I was dressed and ready by 1:30. Since our wedding was an outdoor ceremony, we wanted to make sure that we got plenty of photos before we lost light. My friend, Rebecca Arvizu and her daughter Sophia were our photographers. They got some great shots. My favorite moment was when Ryan and I had our first-look. The expression on his face when he turned around and saw me is one I will never forget!


And then, suddenly it was time to decorate and get ready for the ceremony to begin! The next hour and a half was a flurry of activity. The caterers were late - throwing all of my well-orchestrated plans into chaos. This kept us from being able to decorate the tables and get the bar set-up until 4:30, which was only half an hour before we started! Bridesmaids, groomsmen and even some of our guests were running, manically trying to get everything set up. I was somewhat crippled by my dress, and people kept telling me to sit down, so I finally took their advice. A flustered bride isn't a pretty bride!

Somehow, it all worked out. And then, it was time. The musicians began playing, and the girls started to walk down. Our entry music - the cello line of "Secrets" by OneRepublic began, and the world just slipped away. I squeezed my daughter's hand, and she escorted me down the aisle. I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. Everyone looked so beautiful and happy for us. It was everything that I had always dreamed of, when I saw my groom waiting for me at the end. He didn't run away! That's a miracle!

While we were saying our vows, a car-alarm (which I didn't even notice!) started going off. This got some laughs, and it was the perfect antidote to any remaining stress we were feeling.  You can plan a wedding perfectly, but something is ALWAYS going to go wrong! It's part of the fun. Kids are going to get tired and cranky, you're going to get a stain on your dress, and the music isn't going to play on cue. The goal isn't to have everything run like clockwork, but rather to enjoy the company and love of the human beings who have come to celebrate with you. The rest is just lagniappe. ;)

And celebrate we did! The next few hours were spent dancing, dining on the spectacular food that we had chosen, and laughing and talking with friends and our families. There were lots of special, unforgettable moments. Funny toasts, a competitive bouquet and garter toss, and kids running and playing.  Later in the evening, a gorgeous fog rolled into the area, cloaking everything in a mystical veil. It was like being transported 100 years in the past... the gas-light era of Southern romance. This is what I love about New Orleans - she always finds new ways to enchant you.

By the end of the night, we were tired and ready to rest. We  cleaned up the venue and packed up the car with the help of our friends, and said our goodnights and good-byes. So many people came up to us and told us it was the most beautiful wedding they had ever been to. That made all of the planning, money and time spent on the details so worth it! I truly felt like I had gotten the wedding of my dreams. Even though some of our best friends and family couldn't make it, we still felt like they were there celebrating with us in spirit.

Our wedding day was a time drenched with emotion, and we were so happy that we could share our moment with the ones closest to us.

(All photographs by Arvizu Photography)