An Open Letter to my Husband on Our First Anniversary

You had kind eyes. That was the first thing I noticed about you - that and your horn-rimmed glasses and smile. All of those things. The next thing I noticed is that you were nervous.

Your shyness is something that was and is still irresistible to me - the slight way your back tensed and then relaxed when I hugged you hello.

"Whoa!" I imagined you thinking, "This girl is forward and she smells a bit like pomegranate martinis."

A little while later, you were drinking a pomegranate martini just like mine, instead of trying to impress me with single-malt whiskey. I was saying to myself  - "This boy is different."

Because, at that point, I'd had my fill of the guys with the scotch and the great lines.

You ask me to dinner three days later, followed by coffee and lots of talking. I find out that you are a little bit jaded, a tad nihilistic - but in a vulnerable way that makes me realize that you're not fake. You're not into the big show. I love this about you, because what I see is what I get. I don't think you really understand how important that is to me. You open doors for me, and you always thank me for the evening. You have a Michigan accent and a careful kiss.

Four months in, I know I love you.

You meet my daughter. You hit it off immediately, but then she throws a fantastic tantrum just two weeks later. It's a test. She's been through a lot, and she isn't always an easy child. I think you're going to run. You don't - you come closer. I kind of know, at that point, where this is going - but I'm a little jaded too.  At some indeterminate point, I stop waiting for red flags and shoes to drop.

You start sleeping over, and I get to hear you in the morning. Your head makes a dent in the pillow, and we fight over the covers. Mostly, we lay very still, listening to the sounds of the street through the open windows of my bedroom. The best nights are when it is raining. Sometimes you laugh in your sleep.When you aren't there, I'm restless.

We are getting more comfortable, and we take our first trip, walking around the city that owns my heart. A year later, you will propose four blocks away from where we are standing, dropping a ring of diamonds into my hand on the Rue Royale.

You tease me about my ridiculous shoes, and my inability to tighten a lid. I make big breakfasts on Sunday mornings, and we drink too much coffee while watching B-movies. You tell me I'm spectacular. I've never heard that before.

I remember all of these things.

I am fascinated by your mind - something that you are incredibly humble about. Needlessly so. I confess one night my fear: I will die never having written something of value. You confess your fear that you'll never create something that will use all of your potential. We promise each other we won't let that happen.

Now, we sit across from each other at our kitchen table, laptops like bookends. You are programming, I am writing. There is intimacy in moments like this, even though we seldom speak during these times. Each of us does not completely understand what the other is doing. I think that's the secret of it all - the formula.

You are patient with my moods, with my habits and my tics. I love watching you when you are unaware that you are being watched. You rub your neck when you are thinking. You get excited about Physics, James Bond, and what I bring home from the grocery store. I get excited when we talk about paint chips, Irish beer, and future vacations. You prefer Tanqueray in your martini, and I prefer Bombay. We still fight over the covers, and also the thermostat.

We have our moments of frustration - me in another room, trying to sort out thoughts and stop words before they leave my lips, never to be taken back. You have your insomnia and Type A perfectionism. And your logic - something which I lack in the heat of anger. We are both oldest children.

You are a natural father - you doubt this, but in so many ways you are a much better parent than I.
I am sometimes selfish. I can confess that. You are anything but, and you don't know how grateful I am that you are here. You have made my daughter, our daughter, laugh again. You are steady ground for her feet.

Today, we celebrate our first anniversary. They say that you won't truly know who the love of your life was until your final moments. I don't really believe them. I just want you to always look at me the way you did the night I wore a blue dress, when things were new and possibility hung in the air like a question mark.

I hope to forever make you nervous.

Photo: Arvizu Photography

Wedded Bliss...and All That Jazz

Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles. - Desbordes-Valmord
"Two hearts in love need no words."

Our wedding day, November 20th, 2011 was a combination of many emotions, as are most weddings. We celebrated in New Orleans, with a smattering of our closest friends and immediate family. New Orleans is a place close to my heart; it's where Ryan and I got engaged last year, where we took our first trip as a couple, and a place I have visited every year since 2005. I truly believe it is my spiritual "home", the place on earth that seems to resonate with everything that I love and appreciate about life: good food, amazing music, and a rich cultural background flush with indomitable spirit.  When Ryan proposed, we decided immediately that we would marry there the following year.

Like any bride, I found myself suddenly immersed in the planning of my wedding. While we wanted a small, intimate ceremony, I still needed a dress, attendants, and all of the accoutrements that a wedding needs. I didn't get that the first time around, so I wanted it this time. Especially since I'm never doing it again!

My dress was found at a Black Friday sample sale. I had gone into a bridal store, merely to try on dresses, and came out two hours later with my dream dress! I knew that I wanted a vintage-style dress, and as vintage wedding gowns are hard to come by, and even harder to alter, I knew I would probably need to settle with an inspired piece. Ryan's sister, who went with me, said that she knew the moment I put on the dress that it was perfect for me.  The dress was a dream; golden-champagne satin and rhinestones- something that Jean Harlow or Rita Hayworth would have worn.  Even better, it was 80% off! That gave me plenty of money to buy my bridesmaids' dresses. Since I was asking them to travel all the way to NOLA for me(Australia was the farthest!), the least I could do was buy their dresses.

The next year was spent making invitations and all of the paper-crafts to compliment them. I had A LOT of fun doing these! I promise, I will post a tutorial on how I made them, so that other brides can use them as a template. You can easily substitute papers of your choice to personalize them. I received many compliments, and they were so easy, and saved us tons of money. I also made the votive candle covers, and welcome boxes for our guests that stayed in the same hotel as us during the wedding.

My sister, with the help of my MIL, did the flowers - which we placed in antique milk-glass and hobnail containers. I wanted a wild-flower and English country look to the bouquets - nothing too precious or perfect. The flowers we chose were dusty miller, allium, chrysanthemums, Queen Anne's lace and Bells of Ireland.  My own bouquet was a brooch bouquet with vintage heirloom jewelry from mine and Ryan's family. It's a gorgeous keepsake that I will always have - and it sparkled so beautifully the day of the wedding.

We chose the Benachi House and Gardens for our wedding and reception location. It is located in the Esplanade Ridge area of NOLA - a beautiful divided street cutting through the middle of New Orleans. Whereas the mansions in the Garden District were built by wealthy white plantation owners, the Esplanade area was developed by free people of color and Creole gentry.  The area is very diverse and eclectic, and is breathtakingly beautiful with gigantic live oaks spanning the neutral ground.

The day of the wedding was gorgeous, sunny and HUMID. The weather was unseasonably warm, even for New Orleans, with temperatures rising to the low 80s by the afternoon. I started prepping for the wedding at 8AM, after a nice breakfast at the Degas House, home to the famous French painter's family. We spent our wedding night here as well, and I would highly recommend a stay there. My daughter and I started  putting together the plastic wine glasses and organizing the decor in piles so that it would be easy to locate once things got busy. (It didn't stay this way, but, hey - that's a wedding for ya!) I put the Marco Negri in the fridge to chill, and made some lemonade for the reception as well. My sister, mom and MIL arrived at 11:30 and started prepping the flowers. We started up the music and enjoyed the next few hours of hard work and scurrying around like mad-women.

We started taking photos around 2PM, so I was dressed and ready by 1:30. Since our wedding was an outdoor ceremony, we wanted to make sure that we got plenty of photos before we lost light. My friend, Rebecca Arvizu and her daughter Sophia were our photographers. They got some great shots. My favorite moment was when Ryan and I had our first-look. The expression on his face when he turned around and saw me is one I will never forget!


And then, suddenly it was time to decorate and get ready for the ceremony to begin! The next hour and a half was a flurry of activity. The caterers were late - throwing all of my well-orchestrated plans into chaos. This kept us from being able to decorate the tables and get the bar set-up until 4:30, which was only half an hour before we started! Bridesmaids, groomsmen and even some of our guests were running, manically trying to get everything set up. I was somewhat crippled by my dress, and people kept telling me to sit down, so I finally took their advice. A flustered bride isn't a pretty bride!

Somehow, it all worked out. And then, it was time. The musicians began playing, and the girls started to walk down. Our entry music - the cello line of "Secrets" by OneRepublic began, and the world just slipped away. I squeezed my daughter's hand, and she escorted me down the aisle. I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. Everyone looked so beautiful and happy for us. It was everything that I had always dreamed of, when I saw my groom waiting for me at the end. He didn't run away! That's a miracle!

While we were saying our vows, a car-alarm (which I didn't even notice!) started going off. This got some laughs, and it was the perfect antidote to any remaining stress we were feeling.  You can plan a wedding perfectly, but something is ALWAYS going to go wrong! It's part of the fun. Kids are going to get tired and cranky, you're going to get a stain on your dress, and the music isn't going to play on cue. The goal isn't to have everything run like clockwork, but rather to enjoy the company and love of the human beings who have come to celebrate with you. The rest is just lagniappe. ;)

And celebrate we did! The next few hours were spent dancing, dining on the spectacular food that we had chosen, and laughing and talking with friends and our families. There were lots of special, unforgettable moments. Funny toasts, a competitive bouquet and garter toss, and kids running and playing.  Later in the evening, a gorgeous fog rolled into the area, cloaking everything in a mystical veil. It was like being transported 100 years in the past... the gas-light era of Southern romance. This is what I love about New Orleans - she always finds new ways to enchant you.

By the end of the night, we were tired and ready to rest. We  cleaned up the venue and packed up the car with the help of our friends, and said our goodnights and good-byes. So many people came up to us and told us it was the most beautiful wedding they had ever been to. That made all of the planning, money and time spent on the details so worth it! I truly felt like I had gotten the wedding of my dreams. Even though some of our best friends and family couldn't make it, we still felt like they were there celebrating with us in spirit.

Our wedding day was a time drenched with emotion, and we were so happy that we could share our moment with the ones closest to us.

(All photographs by Arvizu Photography)